Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Television comercials make less and less sense to me. I assume this is because marketing professionals are from a parrallel dimension where logic works in a different way.

Here's a few ads that have caught my attention recently.

Extreme margarine.

There are a few different spreads on the market that claim to reduce your cholesterol. What a top idea. Instead of altering your diet to increase your health you can just keep slathering on the fatty spreads that fucked up your cholesterol in the first place.

The ad for one of these spreads features an over the hill bloke eating a sandwich and telling us all how this great spread has lowered his cholesterol. He can now do all the things he's been missing out on for years. He then jumps off a bridge, sadly he is secured with a bungee rope. I don't understand how having high colesterol stops you from bungee jumping. Most people don't even know they have high cholesterol until they see a doctor. The only condition that might make it hard for you to enjoy jumping off of things is having no legs. If they come up with a tasty spread to cure that, then I'm interested.

You suck for the same reason we don't.

A recent Subway ad shows some sandwich monkeys ringing a burger place. They ask the burger jockeys if they sell sandwiches, which of course they don't. Lots of smug "how good are we 'cos we sell something they don't" laughter follows. So apparently Subway are better than burger places because Subway sell sandwiches. Which means that burger places are better than Subway because Subway don't sell burgers and chips. So they are both better than each other in some sort of junk food infinite loop.

Borrow your way out of debt.

There has been an increase in ads for short term loans recently. If you are in debt and can't make it to your next payday, or you are a bit short and need some cash to get an anniversary gift for your spouse then these vampires can help.

I'm not an accountant or anything but I don't see how borrowing more money to add to your credit card bills and gambling debts is going to help. The lenders must love it when people with no hope of repaying the full amount borrow money and make repayments for the next ten years on the three hundred they needed to get their missus some new blonde highlights for her birthday.

It could be that these products are aimed at tards and the lack of logic isn't a problem. Or perhaps it's my fault for expecting television to make any sense.

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