Thursday, June 29, 2006

I am so glad there is a break for a couple of days now that the round of sixteen is complete. I started to suffer some mental damage around game thirty four. All the matches are starting to blend together in my memory.

I've managed to watch fifty of the fifty six matches. The remaining six I have on tape to catch up on later, hopefully when my brain has cooled down a little and I'm able to lay down new memories.

I was a bit disappointed when the Netherlands got knocked out, they where my favourite for second place.


Monday, June 26, 2006

Last night, whilst waiting for the next world cup match to kick-off, I stumbled into the world of magnets. I honestly don't think there are enough tin-foil hats in the whole world to cater for the quantity of fuckwits there seem to be out there.

Magnets can make you live forever!!!!! OMFG!!1!
For only $36 these clowns will sell you a bit of plastic with some magnets in it that will allow you to implode your own super-dooper magic water. For some reason they don't accept returns or offer refunds of any sort, I wonder why? I thought this was a total scam until I noticed that they use some homeopathic substances. Everyone knows how reputable homeopathy is, it isn't just expensive bottles of distilled water.
This site is pure comedy gold. If his immortality magnets are half as good as his text formatting then sign me up. At only $26 this is a real bargain.
He seems to have some sort of pyramid selling scheme going on as well, but that might just be because the FDA are trying to stop him from getting his message out there. It's because of the global conspiracy though, not because he's a shit peddling scammer.
The real highlights are the testimonial from mega memory man Kevin Truduae and the part that says you should check with your doctor before using this product if you have a heart condition. So these magnets can cure you or everything and make you live forever, except for heart conditions? What an odd limitation.

Top Investment opportunities

There are plenty of companies out there that have designed perpetual motion magnet engines. They are happy to take your investment dollars but for some reason they never seem to have a completed product. Could it be a scam? No or course not, it's the new world order and the oil companies keeping this fantastic technology from hitting the shelves.

If you'd prefer to build your own why not buy some of these bargain priced plans. Only $19.95 and they're guaranteed to work.

Perpetual motion exists mang!!!!1!!

I'm not sure which is worse, the people who try to bilk folk out of their savings with their 'investment opportunities' in perpetual motion machines or the fuckwit hobbyists who think they can really build one of these. The idiots will believe almost anything, except logic and provable physics, anyone that posts some common sense is labeled a hater and a puppet of the oil companies and the establishment. With no proof at all they will believe that magnets can create unlimited power and the new world order has killed or bought off everyone who has ever built one of these machines. They also seem to think that the oil companies would never let this technology reach the public, even though you can go and buy an electric car.

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Friday, June 23, 2006

I just love it when product get more expensive, smaller and are of reduced quality. I had a Cherry Ripe today and thought it was a little ordinary. Top work to Cadbury, their Cherry Ripes now contain 5% more coconut than they do cherries.

Cherry Ripe
I'm looking forward to when they get rid of the cherries altogether and just fill them with coconut and old newspapers. Cheap bastards.

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Errrr, no I mean Netherlands don't I. I always get those two mixed up.

In an attempt to stop annoying people by prattling on about the World Cup I've decided to blog about it instead so people can opt in to my inane drivel.

Quick recap on what has happened so far: Best match so far was Sweden drawing with Trinidad and Tobago, great effort from such a small nation to keep such a strong European side from scoring.

Team that looks best so far is the Netherlands, they should go a long way with their high level of control and precision.

Most unexpected result was Australia's 3-1 against Japan. I thought a draw was the best Australia would be able to muster but they played at a higher level than I thought them capable of.

Recap of 12th June
Australia 3-1 Japan
Japan ran out of wind towards the end, they have speed but lack height and moved well overall.
Australia got off to a loose start and conceded a goal that should have been disallowed through interference with the keeper. Took them a while to get organised but they kept up the pace for the full ninety minutes and moved the ball well. Late substitutions sent them into an attack that Japan couldn't stop.

USA 0-3 Czech Republic
The USA are out of their fucking league. They look like a team that has read about football but never seen it played. Just couldn't get any real attacks together.
Czech Republic have solid teamwork and create plenty of chances on goal and have the ability to finish off. Strong and consistent.

Italy 2-0 Ghana
Italy have plenty of style and flare when they play. Strong defense and lots of firepower up front.
Ghana exude raw talent but seem to lack the discipline needed to finish off what should be fairly easy chances. They break with exceptional speed though and if they can get their shots on goals worked out they will be much harder to defeat in their next match.

Tips for 13th June

Korea Republic v Togo
Both teams have fairly new coaches. Togo lacks world cup experience whereas Korea performed well last time around. The African nations we've seen so far have certainly displayed flair but have lacked the discipline of the Europeans and haven't been able to convert a lot of their opportunities into goals. The question is can Togo's natural flair overcome the Koreans controlled play. Given that Australia managed to thrash Japan I think Togo have a chance over Korea.

France v Switzerland
Should be a hard game but I think France will hold out for a one goal victory.

Brazil v Croatia Draw
Both excellent sides and likely to be the toughest game so far. I think there is a very high likelihood of a draw between these two sides.


Monday, June 05, 2006

It's bad enough that people are so fucking important and busy that they need to keep in touch every second of the day with their mobiles and annoying wankie talkie style push to talk bullshit, but now it seems that people are so busy they can't even take the time to look at the things they purchase.

I'd like to cite three examples, hardly a rigorous scientific study but if the television networks aren't going to let facts get in their way I don't see why I should be restricted.

Recently a customer tried to return a bottle of ginger beer because it had 'bits' in it. Instead of looking at the writing on the bottle their first instinct was to complain, forcing me to read the label to them like they where three. Explaining that the yeast sediment was quite natural. Hmmm I'm not sure if I should draw a comparison to Sparkling Ale or thrush here?

The second example comes from that beacon of journalistic integrity Today Tonight. A while back they had a shocking report that exposed the evil that is the chocolate biscuit industry. Some witless bint bought a packet of tim tams. Scotch and coke flavour I think they were. Upon arriving home she was shocked to discover that the packet contained two less biscuits than the regular tim tams, even though they where the same price. Gee I can't imagine why a fancy flavoured gourmet tim tam would cost more. The packet clearly showed the number of biscuits it contained but she claimed this was a scam perpetrated by the biscuit manufacturer to prey on those people too busy to look at what they are buying. Cos fuck, who's got time to look at things these days. I hope her kids have peanut allergies.

Just found this moron selling tim tams on eBay. How odd. Never been eaten apparently, that's good. I wonder if the ones that he has eaten cost more or less.

The third example was kindly provided by my own father. Having listened to his sooking about the grey spots on his jar of asparagus for ten minutes I was forced to point to the section of the label that explained that these where natural deposits caused by the reaction of the vinegar with the salts in the asparagus. Or course by this time it was too late and the asparagus was in the bin. Wasteful twat.

What I'd like to know is why do so many people think complaining is the first step to take when something doesn't meet their expectations? Why not read the label or the manual or take a moment to think things through?

Writing manuals for a living must be fucking rewarding work.

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