Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Petrol prices are constantly on the increase, will they ever come down? Not bloody likely.

If the price will never come down we can either shut the fuck up and pay the price, ride a bike to work or catch a bus, oh no can't do that, that's for the poor. Imagine being seen on a bus instead of in your shiny six wheeler. Or we could move away from petroleum based fuels altogether, oh hang on can't do that either, that's for the hippies.

But wait, stepping through the clouds of exhaust fumes and the crowds of angry motorists comes John Howard with a plan to save us all. What will he propose, free public transport? Subsidies for hybrid vehicles? Massive investment in biodiesel and ethanol production and the conversion of existing vehicles to the new fuels? Electric cars perhaps?

What, LPG? Isn't that just going to just shift the problem? Won't the fuel companies just start charging more when more people start using it? How does that help all the truck drivers with diesel engines? Ohhhhh, I get it, you offer two grand to people to convert their cars to LPG and they just remember that you gave them two large and forget that you didn't do a damn thing for the environment or for Australia's future. Sorry, I keep forgetting, votes are more important than clean air.

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Monday, August 07, 2006

Ever been worried about getting involved in an accident? Well you are right to worry, I learned a shocking fact today. Paramedics have no training in homeopathy. When they arrive at an accident scene they can only use ineffectual 'proven' medical techniques based in 'science'.

This knowledge was so frightening that I've created the Homeopathic Emergency Kit that you can carry with you at all times. It contains the following essential items;

Distilled water: This handy liquid can be used to make any homeopathic remedy in an instant.

Sugar: Need a slighty more substantial remedy? Try these individual servings of sugar. They'll cure everything from cancer to hypothermia.

Blindfold: Just in case you encounter a patient who isn't a gullible twat or your own accident restores your common sense I've included this handy blindfold to help you fool yourself into thinking that homeopathy is something more than water and sugar pills.

This whole kit costs only $39.95, less than a single consultation with a homeopath. If you are a gullible fuckwit who thinks homeopathy isn't a load of crap then please leave your credit card details in the comments and I'll ship you your kit right away.

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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

I recently posted about the quack Don Tolman. The television show that I saw him on has now released a 'fact' sheet. I think they wait a while before making them available on their site so they can rake in all that 1900 fax cash from people who just can't wait to get hold of the misleading information.

It's chock full of made up shit about food looking like body parts and avocados preventing cervical cancer. They also make the common mistake of thinking that the phrase 'research shows' can be substituted for references to actual research and proof of the wild claims being made.

If you believe in this sort of crap then please send me $100 and I will send you my new book on exploring past lives based on your wisdom teeth. It's 100% accurate.

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