Facial, No The Other Kind

I saw an interesting product on television this week. The Derma Wand. It makes you look all pretty if you rub it on your face. The technical specs are non-existent on the sites selling the devices. As far as I can ascertain it's basically a vibrator.

It claims to oxygenate your skin, which confuses me because people spend hundreds of dollars on creams and moisturisers containing anti-oxidants. It also has no source for this oxygen, which could be why it is called a wand, because it would have to be magic to actually work as claimed.

It can shrink your pores, get rid of the sags and the wrinkles and the lines. I think a better bet would be to just stop fucking with your face so much. Stop poking at it and smearing so many ointments on it. It's not helping.

If this device does have any effect I'd bet you'd get the exact same benefit from a simple face massage. Plus you have the benefit of not wasting a few hundred bucks.

In this YouTube video a woman mentions that she likes to take it home and give herself some "critical attention every day". So it could actually be a covert way for shy housewives to buy themselves a vibrator.

But then maybe is does work, after all, would an esthatition lie?

Magic Fruit Water

I put this product on my list of things to post about quite a while ago and never got around to it. When I was checking to see if they had added anything new to their scam I was pleased to see that the site no longer exists. You can check it out here via the Wayback Machine.

It's nice to know that there is one less crappy product making bogus claims on the net. A hundred have probably taken its place and I'm sure it won't be long before someone else is pushing the exact same thing.

The product is, or was, water extracted from fruit that contains O¹⁸ instead of O¹⁶. It can sooth razor burn and make you look pretty if you squirt it on your face. Reduce wrinkles and keep you refreshed for longer if you drink it. These claims are demonstrated by scientific research, but for some reason they forgot to show the research on their website.

Also, they claim the product is pure, then they list the impurities it contains, contradiction much?

• Chloride 1.2
• Nitrate 0.05
• Potassium 0.66
• Magnesium 0.05

I guess calling a product 'nearly pure' doesn't sound as good.

Free Advice, Worth Every Cent

A visitor commented on a post about Don Tolman from a while ago that "it'd just be nice to see people post that have done a bit of research and really stepped into the teachings before blindly bashing based on a sound bite". By this I assume that they are implying that my criticism of Don Tolman is based on me taking things out of context.

Here are a few direct quotes from Don's website:

A person who has had over 40 skin cancers already, so of course they should get more sun.

Q: “I have skin cancer on my nose. I already have scars from previous operations – over 40 from my neck up. So I don’t want another operation. Which are the best foods to eat and which are the best to avoid to support self-healing?”

Don’s Answer: A raw food diet is the answer. Every night and every morning smear a layer of extra/extra virgin olive oil all over you especially your face neck and shoulders. Get 20-30 minutes of sunshine with no sun screen every day and watch it all heal. Apply onion juice or garlic juice to the sites of concern each day for 2 weeks the n switch to fresh lemon juice for 2 weeks.

Yellow foods block electromagnetic fields. Seriously?

Q: “What is the effect of EMF radiation and mobile phones etc and how do we strengthen ourselves against its effect?”

Don’s Answer: Always use ear phones whenever you can. Yellow foods block EMF radiation. Even yellow clothing assists in this. Technology is getting better and better in these areas so upgrade when ever you can.

Yes, stay away from surgeons, fruit and vegetables will fix those leaky heart valves. In many instances of congenital heart defects diuretics are prescribed to help eliminate water and salt, so recommending more water and salt without knowing this persons individual details seems very responsible.

Q: “We have two children who were born with congenital heart disease and were told they would not survive without the 7 open heart operations they have had between them. What more can we do for their future good health? ”

Don’s Answer: Stay away from surgeons. This sounds harsh, but if you had seen the things I’ve seen you’d understand. Fear is too much with us and I pam thankful that your children are still alive and with us. And for the skills the doctors displayed by all appearances you need to be thankful, but water, salt, vegetarian diets (or mostly so), walking, playing, jumping rope are the things to do now because life is movement. It can’t be stressed enough that health comes of a happy heart. Hug them, smile with them, play with them and feed them lots of red yellow and orange foods.

Clearly I was wrong to doubt Don's skills as a healer. I'm now going to go and paint my friends mobile phones yellow so they stop working.

A Succussfull Life: Nudity

Homeopathic (adjective): Something too small to function that true
believers claim is full of hidden power; if only you'd try it.

One Nation: The Voice Of The (stupid) People

I've been doing a bit of reading this week to familiarise myself with the policies of all the candidates I can vote for in the upcoming federal election. There are quite a few new organisations such as the Secular Party Of Australia so it's important to find out what everyone stands for and get those Senate preferences in order.

I was a little surprised by the quality of the One Nation policy document. It was much lower than I had expected. It was also a lot funnier than I was expecting, check it out, it's comedy gold.

It starts off well by promoting the concept of citizens initiated referenda. That could be a good thing, let the people have more of a say and also keep them more engaged in the politics and running of the country.

Sadly, it's all down hill from there. Be warned, it may not be safe to read the full document without the protection of a tin foil hat and some crystals.

Here's a summary of some of One Nations views:

• Peak Oil is a conspiracy, we'll never run out because it isn't made from ye olde forests after all, it's made from magma.
• Everyone should have guns to defend themselves with.
• Global warming is made up because biologists and dietitians are scientists too man and they don't agree with the climatologists.
• Don't let any of those foreign folks in.
• We don't need taxes we'll just take 1% from every bank withdrawal to run the country. Cueing a massive switch to a cash economy and triggering a huge collapse of the economy.

The other common themes across several parties were, porn = bad, guns = good. I'm not sure if the two concepts are related though.

While I got a good laugh out of the One Nation policies I was also embarrassed that a party based on such paranoid gibberish can find people to support them. I'll be numbering all the boxes on my Senate ballot just so I can have the pleasure of putting One Nation dead fucking last.

Who Needs An Ambulance When You Have Homeopathy?

A while ago I posted about homeopathic first aid kits. I was, of course, taking the piss; so I was a bit surprised to see someone offering a homeopathic first aid course to the public.

I suppose if you burnt yourself you could tip the water from the homeopathic potion bottles on yourself. Or if you encounter someone with hypoglycaemia you could feed them some of your handy sugar pills.

There are many similar courses available claiming they can prepare you to deal with a wide range of emergency situations. Insect bites, allergic reactions, burns, whiplash, cuts and plenty of other maladies.

Homeopathy is based on the concept that 'like cures like'. Which means that these clever homeopaths must have little bottles of diluted knives and car crashes to treat cuts and whiplash with.

The most disappointing discovery was that TAFE colleges are offering such courses. That's a great use of public funds. I wonder if you can do a course in entrail reading at the same time.

It's bad enough that Homeopaths can freely bilk people with no legal reprisals without TAFE and, indirectly, the government endorsing and even promoting such ridiculous quackery.

So the next time that peanut allergy sends you into anaphylactic shock, don't worry about the adrenalin, all you need is a bottle of magic water and you'll be up and about in no time.

ENAR II: Son Of ENAR

Here is the footage of the ENAR on A Current Affair:

And another fine bit of shill work from Channel Nine:

Here's some footage of the SCENAR healing a guys burns. The SCENAR is the ENARs big brother or retarded cousin, something like that. It's a pretty amazing device, not only did it heal the burns it also managed to replace a scar and a tattoo to the burned area.

To quote Kevin 'Bloody' Wilson: Wank, wank, money in the bank.

Beaten To The Punch

Just in case last weeks ENAR device wasn't scamtastic enough Channel Nine's program A Current Affair has followed up with some more gold standard quackery. This time it's a magic drink that will solve all your blood pressure woes.

The product is called Dr Red and is a cordial made from many ingredients including Rosselle, a species of hibiscus. The usual claims were made regarding the existence of supporting evidence and trials. The evidence is pretty thin though. After reading the information presented about the trials I was only able to conclude that this punch doesn't kill mice. Hardly a breakthrough.

I assume that Channel Nine will push any product if given enough cash. It would certainly explain all the product placement and infomercial style of the segment. Or perhaps they just don't do too much research into their stories. Either way it is worrying that so much bunk is being broadcast.

You can see the segment on the ACA website. My favourite part is a close shot of the bottle where we can read on the label:

Antioxidant Enriched
Evidence Based
Rosella Concentrate

Still, at just $53.00 for a 750ml bottle it's a bargain. Regular cordial is only $3.00 but that has a fruit base which is easier to get in the bottle than an evidence base.

Beverages are also available to aid your immune system and your prostate. It looks like this company has solved mankind's health dilemmas single handed. We should all thank the nutraceuticals industry for allowing us to pay prescription prices for everyday grocery items.

In contrast, as I'm writing this Channel Ten news is running a story about Chinese herbs. The segment is about a study being conducted to see if particular herbs lower blood sugar. Unlike A Current Affair they don't mention a brand name and vague unsupported claims to try and sell units. Maybe they could teach Channel Nine the difference between science and shite.

Now I'm off to have a nice glass of evidence based milk.

So ENAR Yet So Far

Another nugget of gold from A Current Affair. This time they are promoting health fraud in the form of the ENAR.

The ENAR is a small device that looks much like a remote control. The promoters claim that it can relieve pain.

Why do I think it is a scam? A few reasons, the first warning sign was the stated origin of the technology. Scammers often claim fantastic origins for their devices to make them sound more astounding. The ENAR has its origins in the Russian space program. Apparently.

Second major warning sign came in the form of research. It's standard practise to claim that a university or noted scientist has proven the efficacy of a product when really it's all bullshit. In this case the research comes from Macquarie University. Now, this part isn't bullshit, the study really does exist. Does it prove the ENAR works? No. The study was not double blinded and the grand total of subjects to be treated with the ENAR? Nine. Yup, just nine people. Can you get statistically significant results with such a small group. Again, I'm going to say no.

Third warning sign? My grandmother had a device very similar to this given to her over ten years ago. Just like the perpetual motion machines this looks like an old scam that is being given a fresh coat of paint.

Maybe this device does work and is very effective. I don't really care if it works or not. What I do care about is television networks promoting health treatments when there is only the thinnest shimmer of evidence to support the very large claims and the very large $1400 price tag of these devices.

The Secret

Top work from Channel Nine. A Current Affair just had a story about a con man ripping people off under the cover of running seminars based on the abortion of intellect that is The Secret.

Now that doesn't sound that bad until you realise that Channel Nine produced The Secret movie. So they help create the phenomenon and then they pick on the people who are using it to scam idiots. There is no other purpose for The Secret other than parting people from their money so I'm not sure why they are so suprised.

For those of you who have no idea what The Secret is it is basically praying for money. Perfect for the shallow, trendy, entitled people and the idiots who feed on them.

Don 'Cucumber' Tolman

I've noticed that a lot of people visiting this site hare arrived here by searching for 'Don Tolman'. In most cases the keywords scam, fraud and quackery were also used.

This makes me wonder. Are most people who are looking for information on Don thinking that he is a lying scam artist? Why are people looking for information on Don, have they seen him on television, heard about him from a friend or read about him in their horoscopes?

I'd love to know why you are searching for information on Don so please let me know in the comments. If you love him or hate him please share your opinion.

For those of you that found this page because you were looking for some hot pics of Don, I hope this touches you in a special place:

Don's teachings say that foods that resemble body parts are good for those anatomical areas. Which means that Don's penis must look like a cucumber. I wonder if his wife is a vegan?

Forensic Science For Dummies

I don't know why I punish myself by watching television. Like many bad relationships, after a few weeks apart you forget all the abuse and think it will be different this time around.

I turned on the television this week to be presented with a show about forensic science. It was quite interesting. It focused on how field techniques are taught. This involved the use of donated bodies. Sounded like a great idea for something to do with the leftovers after you die. Donate your organs and then let them play with the other bits to teach police and scientists how to find and recover evidence.

Everything was fine until the guy instructing the group pulled out a pair of rods and started demonstrating how to find a buried corpse by dowsing. If I'd been on the course I would have asked for my money back right then.

What the fuck is up with the television networks lately? There's psychic detectives solving crimes all over the place. It must annoy the people who really solve crimes through hard work and hours of boring slog.

The government should consider introducing some laws to make semi-retarded bullshit illegal. People are stupid enough already without seeing this sort of crap and thinking that the magic pixies will help them to win the lottery because the spirit of their dead mother is talking to them through the keno numbers.

Homeopathic Emergency Kit

Ever been worried about getting involved in an accident? Well you are right to worry, I learned a shocking fact today. Paramedics have no training in homeopathy. When they arrive at an accident scene they can only use ineffectual 'proven' medical techniques based in 'science'.

This knowledge was so frightening that I've created the Homeopathic Emergency Kit that you can carry with you at all times. It contains the following essential items;


Distilled water: This handy liquid can be used to make any homeopathic remedy in an instant.


Sugar: Need a slighty more substantial remedy? Try these individual servings of sugar. They'll cure everything from cancer to hypothermia.


Blindfold: Just in case you encounter a patient who isn't a gullible twat or your own accident restores your common sense I've included this handy blindfold to help you fool yourself into thinking that homeopathy is something more than water and sugar pills.

This whole kit costs only $39.95, less than a single consultation with a homeopath. If you are a gullible fuckwit who thinks homeopathy isn't a load of crap then please leave your credit card details in the comments and I'll ship you your kit right away.

Define 'fact'

I recently posted about the quack Don Tolman. The television show that I saw him on has now released a 'fact' sheet. I think they wait a while before making them available on their site so they can rake in all that 1900 fax cash from people who just can't wait to get hold of the misleading information.

It's chock full of made up shit about food looking like body parts and avocados preventing cervical cancer. They also make the common mistake of thinking that the phrase 'research shows' can be substituted for references to actual research and proof of the wild claims being made.

If you believe in this sort of crap then please send me $100 and I will send you my new book on exploring past lives based on your wisdom teeth. It's 100% accurate.

Kerri-Anne Cures Cancer

Stuck at home with the flu this week I've been watching a few shows that I would normally not see. The real gem was a small segment on Kerri-Anne's show.

Kerri-Anne had a gent called Don Tolman as a guest. He had an impressive hat and moustache combination going on. His schtick was all about the mighty natural goodlyness that is fruit and vegetables, or 'whole food' as he preferred to call it.

I was amazed to discover that food that resembles a part of the body has health benefits for that portion of our anatomy. For example bunches of grapes, looking so much like a heart, are good for our arteries. Avocados with their strong resemblance to ovaries are obviously a magic potion for all sorts of fertility issues. Sadly he didn't have time to cover bananas or kiwi fruits, how disappointing.

The absolute peak of the segment was the revelation that stone fruits can cure cancer and have been used by many cultures to completely eradicate cancer from their society. Of course this information had been covered up by the evil governments and pharmaceutical companies who only exist to keep us sick and weak.

I was a little bit skeptical but it could just be because I'm a simple minded puppet of the multi-nationals and a slave to my brain washed beliefs, i.e. medical claims should be tested and proven, fruit isn't magic, a crap hat and tach doesn't make you a doctor.

This sort of shit annoys me more and more. He calls himself a 'food medicine expert', which is like my local greengrocer calling himself a gastroentorologist. Stick the word medicine in there and maybe a few suckers with cancer will shell out for a copy of your book, good scam you quack.

I'm not a regular viewer of Kerri-Anne's show, because it's so crap, but I'm pretty sure I could watch it every day for a good ten years and still not see a single segment that wasn't based around a product they are trying to flog.

Magnets, An Attractive Scam

While having a laugh at the ridiculous posts on some perpetual motion sites I came across a bloke who managed to scam another poster out of a few thousand dollars. This probably wasn't that hard as the targets of the scam are all gullible folk who think they can build a magic generator with a few magnets and a bike wheel.

The scammer convinced his target to buy him computer equipment and a shed all on the promise that he had a perpetual motion machine that needed just a little bit more work. Shortly after this the scammer was banned from the site. The free energy types don't like anyone that shakes up their fantasy world.

Although he was banned there are always more marks out there just waiting to hand over money for empty promises. I noticed that he has moved to another forum and started putting out a few feelers. I'm not sure if I should sit back and watch the scam unfold and enjoy it for its entertainment value, or if I should warn the gullible twats that they are being played.

Maybe I should respond to him and pretend I'm interested in his scam, that could prove interesting.

Proof that magnets cause brain damage

Last night, whilst waiting for the next world cup match to kick-off, I stumbled into the world of magnets. I honestly don't think there are enough tin-foil hats in the whole world to cater for the quantity of fuckwits there seem to be out there.

Magnets can make you live forever!!!!! OMFG!!1!

http://www.quantumbalancing.com/vortex_magnetizer.htm
For only $36 these clowns will sell you a bit of plastic with some magnets in it that will allow you to implode your own super-dooper magic water. For some reason they don't accept returns or offer refunds of any sort, I wonder why? I thought this was a total scam until I noticed that they use some homeopathic substances. Everyone knows how reputable homeopathy is, it isn't just expensive bottles of distilled water.

http://www.alexchiu.com
This site is pure comedy gold. If his immortality magnets are half as good as his text formatting then sign me up. At only $26 this is a real bargain.
He seems to have some sort of pyramid selling scheme going on as well, but that might just be because the FDA are trying to stop him from getting his message out there. It's because of the global conspiracy though, not because he's a shit peddling scammer.
The real highlights are the testimonial from mega memory man Kevin Truduae and the part that says you should check with your doctor before using this product if you have a heart condition. So these magnets can cure you or everything and make you live forever, except for heart conditions? What an odd limitation.

Top Investment opportunities

There are plenty of companies out there that have designed perpetual motion magnet engines. They are happy to take your investment dollars but for some reason they never seem to have a completed product. Could it be a scam? No or course not, it's the new world order and the oil companies keeping this fantastic technology from hitting the shelves.
Lutec
Perendev

If you'd prefer to build your own why not buy some of these bargain priced plans. Only $19.95 and they're guaranteed to work.
http://www.fuellesspower.com/17_Perm_Magnet_mtrs.htm

Perpetual motion exists mang!!!!1!!

I'm not sure which is worse, the people who try to bilk folk out of their savings with their 'investment opportunities' in perpetual motion machines or the fuckwit hobbyists who think they can really build one of these. The idiots will believe almost anything, except logic and provable physics, anyone that posts some common sense is labeled a hater and a puppet of the oil companies and the establishment. With no proof at all they will believe that magnets can create unlimited power and the new world order has killed or bought off everyone who has ever built one of these machines. They also seem to think that the oil companies would never let this technology reach the public, even though you can go and buy an electric car.
http://www.overunity.com
http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum