Facial, No The Other Kind

I saw an interesting product on television this week. The Derma Wand. It makes you look all pretty if you rub it on your face. The technical specs are non-existent on the sites selling the devices. As far as I can ascertain it's basically a vibrator.

It claims to oxygenate your skin, which confuses me because people spend hundreds of dollars on creams and moisturisers containing anti-oxidants. It also has no source for this oxygen, which could be why it is called a wand, because it would have to be magic to actually work as claimed.

It can shrink your pores, get rid of the sags and the wrinkles and the lines. I think a better bet would be to just stop fucking with your face so much. Stop poking at it and smearing so many ointments on it. It's not helping.

If this device does have any effect I'd bet you'd get the exact same benefit from a simple face massage. Plus you have the benefit of not wasting a few hundred bucks.

In this YouTube video a woman mentions that she likes to take it home and give herself some "critical attention every day". So it could actually be a covert way for shy housewives to buy themselves a vibrator.

But then maybe is does work, after all, would an esthatition lie?

Security Guard In Double Blind Study

Right, dozens of LASERs but not one motion sensor? Do not use over the counter pain relievers as part of your home security system. If burglars persist, please see you doctor.

Beaten To The Punch

Just in case last weeks ENAR device wasn't scamtastic enough Channel Nine's program A Current Affair has followed up with some more gold standard quackery. This time it's a magic drink that will solve all your blood pressure woes.

The product is called Dr Red and is a cordial made from many ingredients including Rosselle, a species of hibiscus. The usual claims were made regarding the existence of supporting evidence and trials. The evidence is pretty thin though. After reading the information presented about the trials I was only able to conclude that this punch doesn't kill mice. Hardly a breakthrough.

I assume that Channel Nine will push any product if given enough cash. It would certainly explain all the product placement and infomercial style of the segment. Or perhaps they just don't do too much research into their stories. Either way it is worrying that so much bunk is being broadcast.

You can see the segment on the ACA website. My favourite part is a close shot of the bottle where we can read on the label:

Antioxidant Enriched
Evidence Based
Rosella Concentrate

Still, at just $53.00 for a 750ml bottle it's a bargain. Regular cordial is only $3.00 but that has a fruit base which is easier to get in the bottle than an evidence base.

Beverages are also available to aid your immune system and your prostate. It looks like this company has solved mankind's health dilemmas single handed. We should all thank the nutraceuticals industry for allowing us to pay prescription prices for everyday grocery items.

In contrast, as I'm writing this Channel Ten news is running a story about Chinese herbs. The segment is about a study being conducted to see if particular herbs lower blood sugar. Unlike A Current Affair they don't mention a brand name and vague unsupported claims to try and sell units. Maybe they could teach Channel Nine the difference between science and shite.

Now I'm off to have a nice glass of evidence based milk.

Is It Still Clever If You Alter Reality To Fit The Joke?

Microwaves count down, fuckers.