Who Needs An Ambulance When You Have Homeopathy?

A while ago I posted about homeopathic first aid kits. I was, of course, taking the piss; so I was a bit surprised to see someone offering a homeopathic first aid course to the public.

I suppose if you burnt yourself you could tip the water from the homeopathic potion bottles on yourself. Or if you encounter someone with hypoglycaemia you could feed them some of your handy sugar pills.

There are many similar courses available claiming they can prepare you to deal with a wide range of emergency situations. Insect bites, allergic reactions, burns, whiplash, cuts and plenty of other maladies.

Homeopathy is based on the concept that 'like cures like'. Which means that these clever homeopaths must have little bottles of diluted knives and car crashes to treat cuts and whiplash with.

The most disappointing discovery was that TAFE colleges are offering such courses. That's a great use of public funds. I wonder if you can do a course in entrail reading at the same time.

It's bad enough that Homeopaths can freely bilk people with no legal reprisals without TAFE and, indirectly, the government endorsing and even promoting such ridiculous quackery.

So the next time that peanut allergy sends you into anaphylactic shock, don't worry about the adrenalin, all you need is a bottle of magic water and you'll be up and about in no time.

Food Allergies Are The New Black

Want to look trendy and hip for the new year, well who doesn't. There are so many options it's hard to know which to choose. You could pierce part of your face, the lip or tounge being the hottest options, so you get that sexy Sylvester lisp.

How about a fauxhawk like so many other style vacuums out there. There is nothing cooler than copying what someone was doing months ago. Don't forget the blonde tips.

Perhaps a tattoo just above the arse is more your style. To really stand out I recommend some malformed chinese characters so your friends will know you are available with extra fried rice.

However, if you really want to place yourself at the cutting edge of fashion you can't go past a non-reactive food allergy. All the social benifits of a regular food allergy with the bonus of being able to eat the food you are allergic to.

Here's how it works in a typical social situation:

I'll have the burger with everything on it please. Oh but no egg, I can't
have egg, I'm allergic to egg, even the tiniest bit and I'll die. Can I
get extra mayonnaise on that please.

The hot tip for next season: diabetes.